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Take Care of Yourself First
Jane P
Jones, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Family Counseling
Clinic
Using the wellness model, consider your life in each of
the seven dimensions:
- Social
- Physical
- Emotional
- Career
- Intellectual
- Environmental
- Spiritual
If you are where you want to be in each dimension, and you take time for
yourself, congratulations! You're doing a good job. If not, let's look
at what needs to happen to create the life you want.
Women often are better at taking care of others than themselves, but this
does not work well or for long. When we take care of ourselves we are
better balanced, happier, more productive, and have more to give. If we
keep giving at the expense of our own wellbeing, we run ourselves down,
feel unappreciated, and create resentments.
Management Issues: We first have to decrease our obligations to others
and lower our expectations of being Superwoman. This means getting
organized and staying that way, asking for help, resigning from excess
volunteer work, and creating realistic expectations from others. And
we need to feel confident and happy about doing less, so that we can do
more. If you need help with time or money management skills, contact
someone who can help.
Simplify everything in your life ~ your
clothes, your cooking, your "stuff."
Create time to exercise
every day, preferably outside. If you don't have time to exercise,
get out your calendar, prioritize your commitments, and drop as many as
it takes to make exercise time. And do something you love.
Create time to relax, to think, to feel, to evaluate. Journaling is a
good way to do this. Sit and reflect, either in the morning before you
start your day, or after dinner, while someone else cleans up.
Take time to notice your feelings, notice how you create them, and what
you attach them to. Notice how you express them, preferably in ways
that are clear, kind, and certainly nondestructive. Notice especially
your anger. We create anger when our expectations are not met. Focus
on your expectations, and sit with your anger, because it is a message
that something is wrong. Delay expressing you anger until you have
thought about the words you want to use and can control the tone of your
voice. Words can hurt even more than sticks or stones.
Radical changes to consider:
Move close to your work so that you
can walk or bike, and not waste time or hurt the environment by driving.
Teach kids how to get themselves to after school activities.
Work less, even if it means revising your spending patterns.
Share household responsibilities with kids and your partner. Even small
children can have clear chores, and they feel a stronger sense of
belonging to the family when they contribute.
Review your standards and self talk. Nothing "has to" be done. It's a
matter of choices and preferences, so lighten up where you can.
Find something beautiful in each day. Appreciate the sunset, the snow,
the feeling of sun on your shoulders. Appreciate yourself.
It is possible to make radical changes. It is possible to take time
for important things. You can take care of yourself, and you deserve it.
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