Counseling as Learning

Jane P Jones, Ph.D
Licensed Psychologist
Family Counseling Clinic


"What you've learned is what you do, until you learn something new".

One way of understanding counseling is that it's a process in which you learn new ways of thinking and new life skills, so that you can act differently. When you act differently you create possibilities of greater satisfaction in relationships, at work, and with personal issues.

Counseling can also help with needed health behaviors such as healthy eating, consistency in exercise, and in becoming a nonsmoker. Changing behavior is both simple and difficult. Working with a counselor makes it easier to set a realistic goal, select strategies most likely to work for you, work through obstacles and set backs, if they occur, and measure progress.

If improving a relationship is a goal, a couple may choose to work together with a counselor, learning skills in the office and practicing them between sessions. However, it is not necessary for both to be in counseling. When one person in a relationship changes, the relationship changes.

Counseling is helpful in understanding problems. However, understanding without action will produce only understanding, not changes. Clients are sometimes surprised when they realize that they, not the therapist, have to do the work. To feel better, you need to acquire understanding, and then act in different ways.

Self talk and feelings are important parts of the process of improving things. You learn to listen to yourself, to talk to yourself using more effective words, then to create self talk habits which support the improvements you want. For example, if you want to lose weight, instead of calling yourself names, you replace those words with a statement saying, "I choose my food and exercise, and I am making healthier choices today " You learn how you create feelings, how to maximize positive ones, and how to cease exaggerating negative ones. Rather than seeing other people or circumstances as "making you feel" certain ways, you recognize that your feelings are your own creation.

Counseling is also useful in thinking through previous events that are interfering with present life satisfaction. Grudges, resentments, and bitterness can be transformed so that you learn to use life events in ways that help you become your best, rather than staying in a victim position. Even people who have experienced traumatic events such as abuse can learn different ways of thinking, so that the bad experience ceases to have strong negative power in the present. While this process is difficult, the rewards are great.

Counseling is an experience of learning new ways of acting. It is an active process involving talking and homework. If you have a problem, a behavior, or a situation that is interfering with life satisfaction, and you feel ready to make changes, now may be the time for you to select a counselor and begin to create the life you want.