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Ways to Handle Conflict and Anger
Clara
A. Cleve
MSSW
Family Counsleing Clinic
Here are some
suggestions when conflict turns destructive.
A wonderful way to
handle your own anger or anger directed at you is to leave the situation
& calm your self down.
Some of the feelings that fall under the
umbrella of anger are feeling frustrated, upset, mad and/or
irritable.
How to handle your anger. Remove yourself from the
situation when you find yourself getting upset, frustrated or angry and
you know you are going to say or do something that would not be respectful
to another person. Either leave the room, get off the phone, go out
for a walk or jog to cool down. It usually takes 20-30 minutes to
calm yourself down. After you have cooled down, come back and deal
with the situation calmly and respectfully. If you find yourself
getting upset again and are not responding respectfully, leave
again. Calm yourself down and again come back and address the
situation. Keep doing this until you are having a respectful
exchange.
Acting like you are not angry when you are is not healthy
for you. It is not healthy to bottle up or repress anger. It can
make you physically sick or depressed to name a few of the
repercussions. Repressed anger leads to all sorts of psychological
problems. Sarcasm is a form of repressed anger. It takes work
on your part to truly let go of a situation or incident that has triggered
your anger.
How to handle someone else's anger. Any time
someone is not treating you with respect, leave the situation. Some
examples of not treating you with respect are: name calling, eye rolling,
hostile humor, making fun of you, mocking you, treating you with disgust
or contempt, yelling at you, threatening you, not allowing
you to talk (talking over you), or not allowing you to
leave.
We know that physical abuse such as hitting, shoving,
pinching, grabbing, etc. is not treating another person with
respect. The use of physical abuse is never acceptable.
You may need to seek professional help.
Ways to calm yourself down:
focus on your breathing, focus on the air coming in and going out.
When you are calming yourself down don’t spend the time dwelling on the
argument. Doing that will not calm you down but only agitate you.
Instead spend the time taking yourself, in your mind, to a special
peaceful spot, thinking of things that will calm you down, or listening to
relaxing music.
When we stand up for ourselves and do not allow
others to treat us with a lack of respect, others will respect us and we
will find ourselves getting less angry.
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